I Bought A Subaru That Smells Like Pee

"ethan drives dumb cars" (helloroad) 10/06/2017 at 13:46 • Filed to: subaru, poobaru, gambler, gambler 500, subaru legacy, regrets, #helloroad, craigslist, battle wagon

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Have you ever regretted a car purchase while driving it home from the very place you bought it? Earlier this year I acquired a “fragrant” Subaru for a Gambler 500 build and was hanging my head in shame within 15 minutes. Here’s how it went down.

Everyone here has heard of the Gambler 500 right? A rally full of $500 beaters driving 500 miles, all off road? My brother and I said “hell yes” and started to look for a cheap vehicle to take part in the SoCal Gambler event (aka “Fool’s Gamble”) earlier this year.

Buying an all-wheel-drive vehicle may have been a somewhat safe choice for an event called the Gambler, but I had never owned a Subaru before and was really looking forward to seeing what one is capable of. I came across a dark blue 1998 Legacy L wagon with 236,000 miles—it wasn’t quite $500 but close enough.

After a half-assed inspection and a brief test drive I forked over $800 and drove the thing home. The A/C worked, the power windows worked, heck even the radio worked. Good enough for me.

The ride home was a different story. No catastrophic engine explosions, no disastrous wheel bearing failures. Though as the miles passed, I started to notice an ever so slight smell of urine wafting through the Legacy’s cabin. At the half way point, I started to wonder what was causing my eyes to water. And as I neared my house, it was an all out war on my olfactory system. Somehow I managed to buy a car that reeked of piss.

The seller did a pretty good job of covering up the smell with air freshener, but the drive home undoubtedly uncovered why the car was so cheap. Whoever owned this car must have had some sort of incontinence problem. And I totally missed it because of six Little Tree air fresheners hidden under the seats.

So what does one do with a pee-soaked Subaru to prepare for an off road hooptie rally? Remove every last bit of the interior and install the cheapest ever-so-slightly taller struts you can find. And add a cheap light bar, well, because light bar.

If you’d like to see how our Legacy build went down, check out the vid below!

What is the biggest car purchase mistake you have ever made?

If you’d like to join me on my journey of trying to not suck at making videos, feel free to follow me here: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . :D

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 13:56

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What is the biggest car purchase mistake you have ever made?

NONE OF THEM I REGRET NOTHING NOTHING DO YOU HEAR

OPPOsaurus WRX > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 13:57

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ethan drives dumb cars > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/06/2017 at 14:03

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It looks fine, everything is fine

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/06/2017 at 14:04

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You liked that car until it realized it was an allroad and started behaving like an allroad.

OPPOsaurus WRX > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 10/06/2017 at 14:07

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i liked that car even the day I got ride of it. The problem was the rate at which it savagely attached my wallet. It was like nothing I had even seen before. Pro Tip: dont by a $3k Audi as a DD

William Byrd > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 14:12

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Good stuff, nice work guys. Subscribed.

I’ve always wanted to strip a car’s interior. It’s on my near term to-do list. I’m hoping to co-drive Ike’s (Untitled Car Show) craptacular Volvo for a LeMons Rally soon.

Klaus Schmoll > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 14:14

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Friend of mine bought a pretty clean CRX ten years ago. It was winter with snow and ice, so the car was ice cold during the test drive and inspection. He apparently never really got it to temperature. After buying it, he discovered that once the cabin was heated up, it started to reek terribly of a mixture of dog, mold and old sweat. He had to tear everything out (not that hard in a CRX) and wet vacuum the shit out of the carpets and seats.

TL/DR: Buy some sort of huge meat freezer, store car in it and only drive it short distances when it’s ice cold.

beautimouse > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 14:14

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There is no way I’m scrolling past that heading without reading the story.

ethan drives dumb cars > William Byrd 10/06/2017 at 14:18

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Thanks man! :) Would love to do a LeMons rally! It is incredibly satisfying to gut a car’s interior—especially when you don’t care if you break anything.

Takuro Spirit > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 14:27

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As a former ‘Zombie Wagon’ owner, I approve!

Nice tire choice, btw

ethan drives dumb cars > Takuro Spirit 10/06/2017 at 14:30

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Sweet!!! Yes those tires ended up being great. We beat the hell out of it during the Gambler without any issues.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Klaus Schmoll 10/06/2017 at 14:31

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...or just move up here to Canada. That takes care of six months of the year. :P

Takuro Spirit > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 14:33

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They were decent for me in all conditions except deep mud, but I think that was more an issue with the car’s lack of weight than anything.

And yeah, those things can take a BEATING.

shop-teacher > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/06/2017 at 15:12

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Yeah, how many of us told you that before hand? :P

shop-teacher > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 15:14

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I say that was well bought, despite the pee.

ethan drives dumb cars > shop-teacher 10/06/2017 at 15:29

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Yeah after we removed everything it turned out to be a pretty damn good car.

OPPOsaurus WRX > shop-teacher 10/06/2017 at 15:38

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pretty sure everyone said do it do it do it do it

shop-teacher > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/06/2017 at 15:44

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Not everyone.

MonkeePuzzle > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 16:31

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well dang son, that was a thoroughly enjoyable video, which is rare on youtube. Keep that up and you’ll have a series we’ll all be watching constantly!

added to my list of automotive youtube channels!

edit: hooray! no need to wait for a follow up video!

ethan drives dumb cars > MonkeePuzzle 10/06/2017 at 17:00

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Thanks!! :) :) Glad you enjoyed. Imma try to post a vid every couple weeks. Just bought two more terrible hoopties so I think there should be some fun stuff coming up :) :)

MonkeePuzzle > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 17:07

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going back through them now, the B210 is a good episode, and the stuck in a gulge gambler.

I say I’ll be a keen watcher

MonkeePuzzle > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 17:15

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sooooo... what’d the poobaru’s quarter mile time?

ethan drives dumb cars > MonkeePuzzle 10/06/2017 at 17:45

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For some reason by brother didn’t want to run it down the strip. Though in his defense it was puking quite a bit of coolant at the time!

ethan drives dumb cars > MonkeePuzzle 10/06/2017 at 17:46

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Sweet!! I’ll do a write up here on Oppo of our Gambler experience. Next vid will be with my ‘86 Stanza Wagon. If I can get the thing running again

MonkeePuzzle > ethan drives dumb cars 10/06/2017 at 18:49

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an embarassing 1/4 mile time in the prius is a giggle for everyone, but closing the track because you ran a poo box is certainly another issue altogether